today was a good day
sunny and bright and cheery
and so I decided to pay a visit to mama
its not really a sudden decision
like out of the blue nothing to do and then want to go
its kind of planned but then delayed for some time
why planned?
coz I dreamt of mama when I was in Croatia..
weird dream
some how or rather, mama needs to accomplish 3 tasks
so I went to do the task with her
I cannot remember did we or did we not complete the 1st task
but mama was very anxious about the 2nd task
and insisted tt she had to go and do it
I asked her why so gan cheong?
sure can complete all 3 tasks de
she just said need to go and told me not to follow
but u know me de, I insisted
then from day time became night time and was raining
I told mama dun do le, forget it
raining no umbrella
she said no need to do it, need to give injection some patient
I said no need la, just call and get someone to do it and its raining now
she insisted she wanted to do it and asked me to go
I said I no go I follow her
so in the rain we ran to this patient house
but dun know why, time's up leh
and so mama did not complete the 3 tasks
then I was like so be it lor
and mama was sad and she cried
it broke my heart
I told her its okie
she said no no no, need to give injection to this person
I told her too late le, time's up then how?
and then the scene was I was hugging mama in the rain, she was holding the needle and she was crying
it jus broke my heart when I saw it
mama was so fragile and boney and weak.
just like her condition when she left us
and so I broke down and cry in my dream and I was like shouting out loud
" why like tt treat my mama? what did she do wrong to deserve this? she was trying her best to complete the tasks assigned. why like this?"
and then mama held my arms and said she was very cold
and I hugged her tighter and told her no cold no cold
my poor mama
and then I woke up!!!
dang dang dang dang
lying on the hotel bed in Croatia
dun know what the dream is all about, as in trying to tell me what
and just cry lor
yappie, I broke down and cry
luckily the other two were in the bedroom and me in sleeping in the makeshift bed in the living room
if not they would be wondering why am I crying until like tt
anyway i said to myself tt when I am back in Singapore, I got to visit mama
tt was in end oct/ early nov.…..
and every weekend I so wanted to go
but I think I am not ready
and today, FINALLY, its the day!!!
I pluck up courage and go go go
It started well from the moment I left the house, into and out of the lift, walking to the bus stop
and then the tears started to roll down
I told myself not to cry, cry for what? whats there to cry
but it just dun want to listen to me
so I was tearing the moment I got up the bus all the way into the train, tututuututu to AMK and walking around AMK interchange to look for the praying stuff
but cannot find leh
never mind lor
go empty handed
mama wont mind
but made a mental note to myself tt I shall get the stuff first before gg to visit mama
and u know la
the road from the bus stop to the block where mama is "staying" is a long walk
and yappie, I was still tearing all the way
longest walk leh
buay ta han
and when I finally reached
the moment I saw mama pic
I broke down and cry
I just let the tears flow, didn't want to control, didn't want to act tough
afterall, nobody was doing any visitation at tt time
thought I was okie but guess not so okie
I know I will get by
one day I would be fine
regretted not bringing my sunglass or the face towel
but I did well, only 2 tissues from home to Mandai
steady pom pi pi
I told mama to stay happy, stay healthy, be free from worries and stress
everything is fine, everything is under control
told her I did not get anything but I brought a lighter
"to keep her warm"
hehehe
told her I will be back one day, and this time I wont be empty handed
=D
see how bah
either go next week or the week before cny
HUAT AH!!!
HUAT with mama
=D
