FIGHT ON

mama is getting thinner by the day
losing appetite but can see she is trying hard to eat too
too oily, veg, spicy, fried, ALL SHE DUN WANT
coz she said difficult to digest
but really see she is trying her best to eat something every day
be it cereal, milo or biscuit

i see le also heart pain
but what else can i do?
every night cry lor

can also see tt she struggling herself
but the day she stopped the chemo
we all knows well, does not mean the cancer cells will stay still and not move
sigh

so yes, they have spread
like wild fire
tts why mama legs now swollen
yes, not just the feet, the legs now.. all the way to the knee kind

"raise high 90 degrees"
who dun know
but its not easy
who dun know must walk, exercise
but do they know its very difficult and painful
sigh

only know how to make noise, complain, grumble
"listen to me, no wrong one"
FUCK U lor
tmd
really leh
u r no doc... but mama being mama, she just want to please all
and yeah, tts where i got my character from...
the soft one
who dun know tt u wont do things to harm her, but frankly, please la, u no doc, so dun pretend to be one or thinks u r one

"how many table spoon u took? got take one big scoop bo? listen to me, its for ur own good'
LISTEN MY FOOT LOR!!!
food already cannot go down.. u think only certain food have good appetite meh???

"i was just aways for 2 weeks and nobody do anything about the swollen feet.. sigh"
KNN
the feet was already swollen before u went for ur family trip okie
dun come and act like only u concern lor
and we r all blind
legs to raise up, who dun know... already done mah
but it wont means by doing tt the legs will become slim slim again....
so dun come and cry father cry mother with me

"mama goes toilet so long. got monitor or not? can monitor or no?  why go so long?"
HELLO!!!
how i know why so long
she got to wait for the poo poo to come out lor
duhz
monitor what?
monitor and then what?
what can u do? what can doc do?
NOTHING lor
just trying to pick a fight with me right

i seriously dun get it
if tomolo mama dun wake up from her sleep, does it matter any more about how many tablespoon she took, big scoop or small scoop? does it matter how long she stayed in the toilet? does it matter legs must raise 90 degrees and not 89.9 degrees??????!!!!??

i simply dun get it

we all love mama
this is a fact
but this is really too much for me
cant u guys just leave her alone and let her do what she wants as long as she happy

sigh

do u know for the past 2 weekends
she always say the sad sad things
things tt we no say before when she first went for the ops, or her second ops
she said about when she passed away she wants to have a niche (her ashes to put in the columbarium)
its okie if we dun go "visit" her as long as she knows tt she has a house.
alive got house, die also got house
hear like my heart so pain

she even said coz papa dun know how to use atm, so if he needs money, asked me to like give him the monthly allowance which she will transferred to me. last time she will say too.... but this time no matter how difficult it was for her to walk, how breathless it made her to walk tt few steps, she still make her way to the bank.  for someone who will walk instead of taking bus to the interchange and someone who wants save money dun take cab, she took a cab with the help of my niece and went to the bank and did the transfer.

i actually wanted to joke, if papa dun know then too bad no money for him lor
but then again, no la, not gg to make her worry

tts why i also wished tt i can also find my significant other half asap
to let her put heart tt someone is taking good care of her youngest daughter so dun worry
but i also know this thing cannot be forced de la
the two previous events which i joined also cancelled.... then what can i do right?
join again lor
hahaha
okie, so anyway all i wanted to say is, if i cannot find NOW, then remained single NOW not a bad decision until the good and reliable one comes along, right?

i can still be happy being single and also can take care of myself
so mama also can put heart
rather than b in a rs where i no happy at all, will make mama more worries right

i just wished tt mama will be happy and "healthy"
no pain no nothing
just no pain no nothing, i think u all should know what i mean ya

IS IT A SIGN??

i joined two events this month
but both events were cancelled due to unbalance gender ratio
=(

is it a sign??
>.<

sianzz

CONFIRMED

chop, stamp, confirmed, double confirmed!!!

HUAT AH!!

i recieved the confirmation letter today!!!

thanks everybody for your support and encouragement!!!

i will strive to do my best!!!

gam xia ha mi gua

>.<

REVEAL OF THE P

the P listing is out
of course i dun have la
i am not the pet... just a worker ant

dun have the app in my phone
so tomolo go back office then see bah

no hurry
as what the other coll said the other day in the pantry "what difference does it make? the money is in the bank liao. does not mean u got more $$"

sure got ppl happy and sure got ppl sad
but then i dun really care
never in the rat race before
JUST SHOW ME THE MONEY!!
but will have stories to hear bah
so *take out popcorn* and watch show

thats why the saying " no expectation, no disappointment"
but how many can really truly understand leh
i, me, myself also cannot lor

A DATE TO WHERE??

supposed to go HK with family
end up sis bringing the small one to UK
so the HK trip got to be push back

but apparently mama not the least interested to go
coz now not only she poo-ed into the bag, the poo poo also come out from 屁股

told her to wear the adult diapers
but she said very warm
i said its just for precaution in case it poo out when she is outside but at least its inside the diapers and then though the feeling no good, then at least u can put heart tt "it" is securely contained in
and then when u reached home u can wash up...or can always go to the public toilet to wash up
afterall its not the LS kind....still solid so should be easy to clean
i mean why confined urself at home.. go out walk walk is good for u mah
no meh??

anyway i dun want to say much la
must be some pride or what
but then isnt this a life cycle

baby u wear pampers then u slowly grow up and u ditched the pampers.. then as  grow u older become a kid again so wear pampers again lor


so okie lor
dun want to go then dun want to go
but papa wants to go badly
kept saying coz promised the little one to bring her
but then again, the little one also not keen to go lor, she is more interested to go UK
haha

anyway see how bah
if no HK, then i will go shanghai with my travel kakis
yayaya
i know CHINA leh
but then, one of them wants to go there, coz the sis is shifting over to work
i think she very brave leh
tio retrenched, then this offer came along but need to go overseas
and she just grab and go........
*clap hands*
if its me, i wonder.....will i also just pack up and go?
i mean nothing to lose anyway, right

*ponder*


anyway i did ask, "only shanghai? can go elsewhere?"
and the reply is SHANGHAI

okie, haha
got it loud and clear
so either HK or SHANGHAI

ACHE LIKE MAD

dun know what is happening to me
usually after a massage i should be in tip top condition....
but this time, its taking a longer time to "heal"

not so sure is it the sitting position? the bed? the sleeping position? or the bra??
i have already changed to a smaller bag.... do i still need to go smaller??? hm..........
but u know la, girls' bags.... surely have 101 stuff tt we think very impt and must bring with us every day every min every sec de

hm.....still thinking should i go bra less on some days.....???


the lady told me 阻塞
but then cannot be everywhere of my body 阻塞 right?
so okie, need to massage a few times
but then too many times bah

i guess when we r getting older, body will have 101 problems bah
coz we no take are when we r young, so now is pay back time?

like the other time, the heart keeps having this jab jab jab pain
i was so scare leh
then decided to take overnight oats..... looked up for yum yum receipe in the net
and was like having overnight oats for a few weeks
and then finally when i finished one packet...i just stopped
did it help?
i got to say maybe a little. as the jab jab jab was like lesser....but since it did not stop i just stopped eating it lor
and now, for whatever reason, after i did one massage, the pain no come disturb me le
so i presumed and assumed tt the back ache some how was linked to the heart jab jab pain occasionally

two weeks ago the tummy pain pain pain
so finally decided to go see doc coz i almost saw the stars again on way to work (TWICE!!!!)
then doc said the big intestines is so calm and not active at all...
and i said well, its resting
and she looked at me and said our big intestines never rest
so i said when i just had my dinner, so its resting lor
and she said tts worst lor, after dinner and not active
kua kua kua

so i ponder whats so impt tt it has to be active at all times
and then realised we need it to helped POO
so hor, does it mean, body aching all over, coz too much poo inside me
=(

anyway becoz goldfish was on leave whole of this week
i managed to go for 2 classes of zumba
of course, whole body was screaming like mad
but i just got t hang in there, and soon will be fine..........
better keep the exercise reigm...
its good for me too..........

hm... maybe i should stop drama-ing.... instead of sitting in front of lappy every day.. from AM to PM till i sleep........maybe need to spend time to go out, walk walk....look look see see
not only for the shoulder and back... but also for the mind........

不强求 不任命

i guess humans are like this
when u dun have, u die die also want to have
but once u have it, u just no longer want it
not sure if u feel the same way, but i do

i dun know why
i am always forever alone in my dreams
everybody sure have somebody but i am always alone

remembered, i used to have a dream, tt i am a runaway bride???  or the groom is getting marry but i am not the bride?? or the one i dreamt tt the no. 3 is actually staying in the same block as us?? or the time i dreamt tt everybody knows about the no. 3 except me???
sigh

is this my life?
forever alone no matter how badly i want to find my significant other half??
this AM, again, dreamt........everybody so happy ....and i went back to a big hotel room.......ALONE....

guess some things cannot be 强求 but i just dun want to 任命, i just take it easy lor.......