BAD SHAPE

i had a dream this AM
woke up crying

mama came into my dream again
as usual, i dun get to see her face but some how i knew it was her
i was hugging her from waist down
and then she was like sayang-ing me
then she said "u got to be good and take good care of urself. i wont be coming to see u any more?"
i was very upset and asked mama "why not? please dun do tt to me"
she just told me tt i just have to take good care of myself.
then i begged her not to go and woke up crying both in my dream and in reality

sigh
why like this one
what kind of dream is this
really tsk tsk

i was in very bad shape today
and to make matter worst, today is ndp observance day
so majority was in red and of course i was in black la
i did thought of wearing red today de
but when i woke up crying this AM, i decided to go black
and everyone was asking me "why r u in black?'
and i replied tt i only have black lor

and then this snake must come and piss me off
"SY, why u like me? not in red? " and she laughed
i looked at her and just smile
then she said again
and this time i looked at her and said "my mama just passed away recently and u want me to wear red just becoz its nation birthday?  if u think i should wear red, then sorry lor. i am not. my fault okie, sorry"
then she diam and then followed with "but there is a period u can wear le right?"
i totally fired up and went " i dun know la i was told not to wear so i just follow lor"
i mean WTF is this even ur fucking problem??!!?!??!  i want to wear what is my problem is it even urs to be bother with ??
really knn

then she went "hey, u dun be angry la. i forgot ur mama passed away."
and i looked at her and said "its okie."  i wanted to add on "its okie coz its none of ur business to remember"
but i think i should not scoop to her brainless and insensitive level

anyway today is i ownself not in tip top condition
so should not blame her or any one
my own fault

but i am really very sad mah
i mean well, i am really very sad
well i guess i am jusr made of water... jus love to cry

and then came another pc of news
there is gg to be a wind blow... how big the wind i dun know... but its gg to affect any one... and i mean ANY ONE
sigh

i was like controlling myself the whole day
controlling myself = DUN BREAKDOWN AND CRY
i keep telling myself "its okie its okie" gg home soon........
and who knows got to work late

and best when big boss asked so can i have the costing by tonight, my reply was "cannot. no. i want to go home and sleep"
duhz
i think the big wind will blow me away.........
>.<

and then evening time, while i was busy trying to get the work done, tt snake came and disturb me again
"SY, u working late ah....hahahhaa"
really KNN liao
so i went "is it very funny tt i worked late?'
and she said " i happy then i laugh i never say its funny"
then i went " u mean u very happy tt i working late tts why u are laughing?'
then she went "hey u dun like this la, dun angry. i just happy tts why i laugh"
then i went "i dun see anything so funny about it or happy"
and she went " its becoz u working late with us AGAIN mah (coz yesterday i worked late too)"
and then i went "why dun u come at 8am too and work with me lor"
and she said " i know u worked early.  u hardworking lor"
then i went "so u give me ur salary la, since i am hardworking"
i mean come on lor
really tmd
today she just pissed me off
if she no more medicine, please go see the doc and jiak yok timely

but i think i am just not in good condition la
i am still very upset
*sob sob*