PUSH ON

finally!!
tomorrow is the day!!
BUT
no timeslot yet

pushing very hard for an operating theatre
but till 820pm tonight, no room yet

I think human very "mao tun"
when no scheduled operation, worried like mad, cry like mad
when scheduled operation liao, worried like mad, cry lagi mad


sigh
I also dun know
the thought of it, I just dun know why, the tears just flow.... but the more I want to control, the more I broke down
many times tonight, I almost broke down
but I held it back
how long can I hold it in???

I think all we can do, we did le
give her the most beneficial food/drinks
but she cant eat or drink
try to be positive about the whole thing. told her to be strong and fight on
coz there is nothing we can do, she has to fight on her own
went to temple and prayed for successful operation and smooth recover
not gg to be easy, all operation would have their risk.....
leave it to the doc
leave it to mama
leave it in god's hands

FIGHTING!!!

there is this lady patient sleeping opposite mama
she was telling the doc when the doc came for inspection " got to do means got to do. scare also got to do right? so just do it"
*clap hands*

well said
who not scare
I wat also scare de lor
what if I am gg to lose mama...
it was really a relief when doc said the cancer cells has not spread and quickly schedule for an ops
 ... but I also know if dun ops, I will even lose her faster
then after ops, the treatment will kicks in.. and then I would start to worry, can she take it? esp she cant eat now.. how to get stronger to fight on.....
sigh
every single step forward is a battle won....and every battle to be fought, always so worrying.....every brand new day is a blessing

i know either way I would also lose her.. sooner or later.... if she not sick, I would also lose her when she gets older....
E told me "death not scare, all will die one day, its only how we die"

so "got to do means got to do. scare also got to do" 
scare also got to go thru it
dun want to have any regrets!!!
wont give up without putting up a fight!!

and as a family, we will all go thru this TOGETHER!!!
like it or not...
scare or not...

JUST DO IT even if the chances are slim

god bless mama, u and me
*amen*