STAGE 4

its a stage 4 cancer
currently no spread of the cells
but mama's age and her weight and of course her weak heart (just tested today).. is gg to make the surgery a very challenging one

FIGHTING mama!!!
just fight on!!!

shifted from CGH to NCC
so gg for an emergency operation, scheduled on next tue
say what u want
but I am really happy now tt we can finally just cut it off, start the treatment and move on
instead of worrying whether spread here spread there what other implications she will be facing
really thank god!!

sis said to meet and then we have a family open discussion
I said okie if that's what she wants
then she yak yak yak and I said I dun need to know the details just tell me the outcome and what to do
then she started to scream and shout
said if she not ard how, we need to all come to a common decision and if she not ard, at least decision is made....
then she shouting about she still thinking want to cancel or not her trip
and not tt she dun want to cancel, she is okie to cancel her trip not say what

PLEASE LOR
if u want to cancel just cancel, if u want to go just go
whatever it is life still goes on....
is whether she wants to go for her trip or she wants to stay lor
obviously she still wants to go for the trip, if not she would have cancel le
told her if she wants go she just go... someone has to take over, so just let me know what to do
dun come and act so wei da lor
really pissed me off
anyway whatever, I was still calm and cool abt it when she was starting to be unstable liao

frankly to me, she gg or not on her trip is not of any importance to me
mama is priority now
so I dun need her to come and tell me abt her trip, cancel or not.. I dun need to know the details.. just tell me, cancel or not
period

anyway with sister ard of course good la
she did all the administrative work from start to end
bring the old folks to the doc and liaise with the doc and all
I am really very grateful for tt
but then again, she is also their daughter lor,
she also has responsibility towards them

at least I do stay home most of the time
Monday to sunday
occasionally I of course will go out.. but I dun stay out late or worst like sister full of appointments and all
but I dun need to compare these with her
coz we do two different things
she brings them to doc.. I stay home look after

so anyway she started to telling me tt doc said eat many meals no need to eat one full meal coz she understands its very difficult for mama to eat anything now
and I just told her casually so u go tell papa that lor, keeps forcing mama to eat
then she said well mama can always ignore and walk away
then I said how to walk? she so weak now u must be joking lor
then she said ai ya, then what u want me to do
I said u go tell papa lor
then she started to scream and shout again tt if she did it, then its like she is the bad person
then I said I already said, and he still like this, so she would have to be the next one lor. then she said she dun want to be the bad person so leave it
and inside my heart is THEN DUN BLOODY FUCKING HELL COME AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO
then she said why not she brings mama over and stay with her, tts the solution she gave me
and I said then u got to ask mama tt, dun need to ask me coz I cannot answer for her
then she scream and shout again tt since I am complaining then she offered me a solution, if I dun want to take it then shut up
inside my heart , I was like she started it lor, not me leh...u want to tell me do this and tt, I telling unot easy but I try lor ....but I was still calm and steady , I told her i told u le. u want to bring mama over, u go offer it to her, dun need to tell me, i cannot help her answer u.  like I told u, u not staying here, u dun know what is happening here. ai ya, never mind la. its okie la.  just tell me what u want to say this one not impt
 and then she started to scream and shout again abt that's the solution she can offer me since I complaining
and inside my mind, I was like SINCE WHEN WAS I COMPLAINING
anyway only she right, only she did a lot of things.. she no see what others are doing

anyway I just totally ignored her

and then she said we will talk on sat and make a family decision
I told her just do what she needs to do I just follow but spare me the details
and then she started to scream and shout again, tt we never go to the doc so we dun know what happening, so she wants to let us know
I told her I dun need to know, just tell me the outcome coz papa already told me all those which she has been yakking in the phone for the past 10 mins

and then she suddenly go crazy max and went did papa tell u everything? did he knows everything?
did he know the seriousness of mama's conditions.... blah blah blah

and she really gets on my nerves le
then I said even if papa dun know then let it be
why must she go burst ppl's only little tiny hope
whats wrong with her?
they so old le, why still want to add on their worries
if they think cut off le, all will be fine then so be it. let it be. let us the younger ones be the one to worry abt the rest
even though its the fact tt its very serious, but why she just have to go burst ppl's tiny hope

and then she went super crazy, shouting and screaming into the phone
saying why am I crying? why I need to cry? am I under a lot of stress or what?  why made her seemed like the bad one..blah blah blah
and I just disconnect the phone
hahaha
BINGO!!
I dun talk to ah siao
screaming and shouting.. how can I hear wat she was talking....

dun waste my time

*du*


why I cry? not becoz I am sad or what
is becoz I wondering why my sister wants to go burst the old folks's tiny little hope
4th stage cancer leh
whats the recovery rate?
its so very slim
let others have a glimpse of hope so difficult meh??

always so easy for others to say, I wonder if it happened on her, will she also want to hear all these
"u know, ur tumor very serious. cut off le also very serious. coz got this and that.. and also dun know what is it until we open up and check on it when we remove the tumour.  so need to go for another test to check it out. but based on the expert, she is saying is not very good. blah blah blah. so u okie hor.  blah blah blah

I know I know
I know the fact is the fact
we all have to accept it
but I doubt if u r the patient this is what u want to hear
let the saying goes. if got hair who wants to be monk/nun???
so if can live, who wants to die

anyway, dun know why we cant talk de
she is totally out of my league
tsk tsk

then few mins later, she called and spoke to papa and mama
and then told mama she worried abt her, she is just showing concern to her. blah blah blah