UNSTABLE MOOD

almost broke down at work ample times today
even on the train, and on the bus....
on the way home and on way to work
wa kao!!
sibei cmi

dun know why this time, i felt very sad, unlike the previous time when he flared up
i think its becoz this time its REALLY good bye le
i said before, if he flared up one big one again, its gg to be good bye.....
dun know who i said it to, but i did say it

last time, as long my mind is occupied, i will be fine
tts why i like gg to work and keep my mind occupied instead of letting it running wild
the only time i break down, was at night.....at home
this time, even though my mind is occupied, i still will wonder away and then break down....sigh
even bathing or just sitting there also want to cry....

i know u guys want to lessen my pain and grieve
i know u all meant well
so u all are telling me:-
"dun worry la, when he realised tt the person he loves most is u, he will come back looking for u"
"its ok. he will come back de, when he realised tt he still loves u"
"who knows, he will come back look for u and says tt u r still the one he loves"
i also wished tt it will be like this, he will come back soon, then i won't be feeling like this now
burst pipe...uncontrollable...tap and on and off any time of the day for no reason
but no more love le....how to come back leh??

but seriously, i think its best for me to live in the cruel reality, be brave...face it!! tt this time he really won't be coming back for good than to live in my own fantasy world tt one day he would be back, all i need to do is to hang in there........living in fantasy will save me alot of heart break and tears but i will be bluffing myself

should one day, he comes back, i will definitely share the news, but for now, take it from me, be it me being pesstimistic or what, he won't be back.......
so let's us all come back to face the cruel reality

frankly, i am still in a very unstable mood
which means tt any time, for no apparent reason, the tears will swell up in my eyes really to flow non stop, nose turn red
or when suddenly someone who knew asked me how am i feeling now? or just an sms to ask me how i am will also make me want to cry
cry like a baby

i am very gam dong to know tt my friends are always there by my side........i really am blessed......therefore i will be strong
i will get well soon
really

Z send me a sms ...the moment i saw it, tears swell up in my eyes...when i was typing my reply to her, tears were flowing down my face and i got to tell myself to keep my cool...i was queuing up for my bus in interchange at tt time.....sigh..see i am so tt unstable...

just give me some time, i know i can
=))
i think i must keep talking abt it until one day my tear well is all dried up........
just like the previous one....no more tears would only mean one thing...i am almost ready to move on......
but seriously, who so free to listen to a broken record over and over again and see me cry for dun know wtf.......hahaha

dun worry
i will get by
i know i can, i just knew it...
i know my family and friends love me to the nuts, therefore i got to be strong

dun bother to keep coming here and see my updates
coz it will be like a broken record
see until u all also gave up
it will be like "cry cry cry..cry cry cry..."
u know
nothing special/new tt u cannot guess it urself....

how long will i take
i dun know
last time i took 2 yrs
this time......???

i will be fine...just leave me alone
when i am ready...u will know...
=))
just dun forget abt me ok.....