SO LONG 2018

in  few hours time, we r all gg to bid farewell to 2018
not a bad year
though it brought me some heart aches
sigh

well, let bygones be bygones
and we jus have to move on right

SO, thanks for everything
u have been good to me
though I do have ups and downs

here's to a better tomolo!!
*cheers *

HUAT AH

bye bye 2018

SOMETHING WRONG

Zhuang asked me whether have I joined any event recently
I was updating the girls half way and then dun know what interrupted us
so anyway will do the update here

before the BKK trip in sept
I joined an event for D participants

well, went with an open mind la
and then ho say, saw some ppl I met during the long long 99 event
but then again there were also new comers la

so before the event start I was lucky to share the table with a new comer
!!!
YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEE

then anyway I thought he was weird la
esp quiet
turned out he is a teacher teaching DT&T
I asked him for the school he just said east
well so be it

he said he likes to go japan
and would go once in a year
and its either with family or solo
and he said if I like japan, we can travel together
then I said me is more of a package person and not F&E
and he said not to worry he can do the planning

well, seemed like a nice guy right??
he even said he was teaching for awhile before he left the teaching industry and go into finance
but he really didn't like the desk bound job so went back to teaching...

seemed quite a stable person right
???


so end of the event
I thought he was the best candidate n another guy
so I clicked both of them
and then waited lor

sunday came and email came and said all mutual matches already informed
and those with no news its okie we can still email or text each other using the app

and of course I was disappointed la
but then I also found out tt the teacher is 38 years old
or was he 37
anyway I was like erm….. younger.... how how how

then I was like okie la. since no match then I wont go message him using the app lor
but u know me la,
I must try
hahha

so ur friend me texted him lor
and surprising he replied me
but it was like in the evening then replied me when I texted him in the AM

so okie lor
I thinking since he replied means got a bit of chance la
then he said he was planning to text me later
which I was like REALLY??
*arm chio*

so anyway next min and sms came in and said the two of us had a mutual match
BINGO!!
steady pom pi pi
so I think think well, maybe age not an issue afterall la

but the thing is, he very quiet quiet kind
he is into classical music kind
and he just dun talk much

so I just blah blah blah and then waited for him to make the first move
but nothing leh

then I went to BKK
and then I also did my best and texted him every AM while me having breakfast coz tts the only time I got wifi
but he said he got early lessons and need to prepare which I said oki not an issue

then I started to feel tt if I dun message him he wont message me
as in wont make the 1st move

and when he finally replied me he said he was busy sorting out stuff
and I asked like what
he said like should he get his own place
and I said u mean u staying with parents ever since he D
and he said yes. he D with his wife 9 year ago
!!!!!!
and then next second he would tell me tt he cannot text me after work coz his house no wifi
and then said he felt very cramp and no freedom in the small room of his
and then next min he would said he is busy with the reno of his new unit which he just bought recently and he is getting his keys next week

and then I decided tts it
full stop
dun know what he is doing or talking or whatever
seemed unstable kind of ppl

and I told myself
suan le, since he like neither here nor there then forget it
and I just stopped messaging him when I am back from BKK
and the off I went to Croatia and he also no text me anymore
so tts it

like I said force no happiness, so no force

so tt was my last event
but I was hoping tt I can join one in dec... like 2019 last event......

AM BACK... FINALLY

FINALLY

I am back!!!
hahaha
where did I go??

I no go anywhere
I was here... just tt sky fell sick and got to send in for repair
$160 damage and waited like almost a month and I finally got it back

and hor
best part
u know me de
I dun usually chase chase chase

but it was like taking ages leh
so I went down to the shop in bugis
and then I was asking the status coz its like one week and 5 days and another 1 week and never get my sky back
WHY HUH??

then he asked me for the receipt and somehow I did not do it deliberately hor
somehow I like slipped and "bang" the receipt on the table like I very angry
hahaha

and then the snr guy (I presumed) came over and told the guy who was serving me to go serve the other customer while he handled me

well, at least I got my pc back finally

maybe it was a blessing
coz I missed the 11.11 and then can save money
$$$$
kekeke

so now I can still xue pin for the 12.12

LONG LONG 99

chang chang jiu jiu
and so i went for an event
swee lor
its like almost the same guys i met in the aug event
so okie, never mind, just go thru the motion

then this guy came
catholic
and okie, friendly and all, i can still accept
its only whether he can or not

so i chose him at the end of the event
and waited

monday AM, sms came in

IT'S A MATCH

bingo!!!
strike lottery like tt... never have a match before

and so waited for the guy to text
end of the day liao, still nothing
so i guess he would have also chose other ladies beside me

so hor, when i finally got the message from him, i had to attend a discussion
so i told him i got to go after like 2 messages or so
on way back i texted him and he was like taking ages to reply
so i just do my own stuff when i got home while still waiting
and when he finally did respond, he told me he gg to sleep and "nice chatting with u"

and so OKIE
i got the hint
dun ask me why
but i just knew
FULL STOP

no force no force
force no happiness
but i got to thank him la
for also choosing me and let me have a feel of how it felt to have a mutual match
gam xia ha mi gua
=D

HOW R U??

i dreamt of mama just now
again i dun get to see her face
she asked me "how r u?"
and i broke down immediately and said i am no good, and i hate the fact tt she left me
i should not have cried, coz the moment i did, i woke up.. so i need to be stronger the next time so tt i can be with her just a little bit longer

but i really dun like ppl to ask me "how r u?" now.. i mean how to reply "oh i am fine thank you. but inside the heart so cui"
some ppl just asked the qn for the sake of asking, coz no conversation topic so need something to start with
but i really cannot......i am sure

so anyway, for a split sec i woke up and cried and then i doze off again
lolz
too tired i guess

LAST EVENING...

i joined an event yesterday
since gg for the xinyao concert last evening i thought, well why not since nearby mah

and boy!!! was i so so... erm.......... i simply want to go home!!!
hahaha
okie la, not tt bad actually
maybe i very long not join events liao
so u know la, things changed

one 58 guy joined
not bad la actually, nice chap
so he introduced tt he is now unemployed coz he needs to look after his mama
so i said ya, mama sick le must take care
then i asked u dun have siblings?
and he said his siblings all have committment (own family) so he being the single one, together with his younest bro will take turn, if he is busy with other stuff
so i went futher what were u working as previously then before u decided to quit and look after ur mum
and he said he used to be a security guard working in a fish farm in CCK which has since closed down coz business no good
oh... so he did not resigned......just so nice tt it closed down and he just took the opp to look after mama
nice chap right
but some how, just dun click
hm... he said his mama old, need ppl to look after, he also old also need to take care
and i was like erm.. so u want a maid or social service?
our conversation just dun click
he kept asking me how many bangalesh workers i have since i am a contracts manager
duhz
so at a stage i just let him yak lor
and smile politely

then came another guy whom i met in earlier events
he dun remember me but does not matter
40 plus too
told me tay oing hui's age and he really took good care of himself
very busy man coz he opened a restaurant
dun asked me where coz he was sharing with me about his date 2 weeks back with this lady who wanted to be his gf whom he rejected nicely
and tt he not gg to date christians coz cant click with them esp one of his gf is one and made him go church which he had since stopped
and he told me he dun make the first move so ladies need to contact him first
and best he said he wont make an effort to remember the ladies coz too many le which explained why he dun remember me
and i was like BYE BYE


so there was these other 2
also met in earlier events
but also dun remember me
already had my contact bah... but both still asked for mine
and i said nah sorry
i mean.. ya, nah sorry
not becoz u dun remember me, its becoz if fated hor, long ago click liao in the earlier events

what i like about some of the guys is even though we met at earlier events
after sometimes some how or rather we became "dating events" friends
hahaa
when its their turn at my table, we will update each other
talked like old friends
or even said okie toilet break or take a break
and we will some how just chat like old friends
some hor, they ji tao bo heel. sit there press phone which i though rude la
even if i am not ur cup of tea but...try to be nice la
unless of course is we hate each other to the bones then okie or
pess the phone or go away dun sit at the table

and then the jing dian
this guy asked me do u exercise
i said i used to join kick boxing and zumba but now no time le
and he said well u should go for yoga
and i went but yoga too slow for me
and he said ppl ur age hor should not be doing kick boxing u know the bones are vulnerable blah blah blah
and knee cap will wear very quickly
and i replied u know there are ladies in my kick boxing classes also very "40 ish or 50 ish" but they can kick box much better than me, and they maintained very well. and i do think whatever exercise will also cause the knee cap to wear and tear
and he went ya unless u do swimming but then u will have broad shoulders which i think the ladies dun want tt right
and i was like ya okie, enough of ur hints tt i am OLD
i got u LOUD and CLEAR dun need to be on repeat mode
and then i asked him back so how often u run?
and he went oh now not tt often coz busy at work and i so wanted to tell him running also will wear and tear ur knee cap and it does not matter how old u r... but i decided well u r my last male participant so i shall be graceful about it

so u asked me hows the event yesterday
i got to say i met a few guys whom i would like to know furhter
but i am very sure, i am also older than them
but what to do
apparently it seemed to be the trend now bah

leave it to fate bah

but if u asked me about the xinyao concert
well i got to tell u
BEST leh
i mean not best of the best
but i enjoyed myself
and i was like OMG i know the songs!!!!!
kekeke
really really old songs which we used to listen or sing too when we were young....
would have been long forgotten
but last night it all came back
memories flow i tell u
no joke

i very the peifu the lady beside me
i think she cant really see well
but she can also sing to every song
and mind u she cant see the lyrics on the screen but she can sing almost all the songs
coz like me some of the groups are "WHO R U?" hahaha
never hear before
but they really sang well
 WELL DONE!! Well done xinyao
thanks for accompanying us ..........came such a long way

100 DAYS

its mama's 100th day
so fast hor
7th may ..........

thought all moved on... i mean slowly bah
can't be overnight

BUT today at mandai i realised
yuan lai, i have yet to move anywhere
sigh
yeah
i cried

actually already low but then i did not want to cry
it was when dad said " dar, i missed u very much"
i broke down
i think it must have been difficult for him
for me, i still can focus on other stuff only when i am back home then i cry lor
for dad, he is home everyday, what can he do....

then he continued " dont worry about me. i will be better. slowly"
and tts it, i got to walk away.........

the little one cried too
but i guess she just sad bah
afterall mama loved her so muchie
from baby to JC leh... waiting to go Uni

sigh
i guess slowly bah
i will be better

this year grandma said mai celebrate her birthday coz very close to mama's 100 day
but i am sure mama wants all to be happy and well
and not to be sad

i keep telling myself
mama's time here is up so she just left earlier but we will meet one day too, when i time is up here
but i just cannot ...................its very easy to say
but i am just so so so sad
i really missed her terribly

when i remembered tt dream the other day
i really am very sad
i know she needs to go le and cant come see me anymore
but but but
i sure cannot
i cant let it go...........

well
i just wish mama is at a happier place
where she no pain no whatever
okie maybe not wish, i know she is

LOVE U MAMA
i really miss u

BAD SHAPE

i had a dream this AM
woke up crying

mama came into my dream again
as usual, i dun get to see her face but some how i knew it was her
i was hugging her from waist down
and then she was like sayang-ing me
then she said "u got to be good and take good care of urself. i wont be coming to see u any more?"
i was very upset and asked mama "why not? please dun do tt to me"
she just told me tt i just have to take good care of myself.
then i begged her not to go and woke up crying both in my dream and in reality

sigh
why like this one
what kind of dream is this
really tsk tsk

i was in very bad shape today
and to make matter worst, today is ndp observance day
so majority was in red and of course i was in black la
i did thought of wearing red today de
but when i woke up crying this AM, i decided to go black
and everyone was asking me "why r u in black?'
and i replied tt i only have black lor

and then this snake must come and piss me off
"SY, why u like me? not in red? " and she laughed
i looked at her and just smile
then she said again
and this time i looked at her and said "my mama just passed away recently and u want me to wear red just becoz its nation birthday?  if u think i should wear red, then sorry lor. i am not. my fault okie, sorry"
then she diam and then followed with "but there is a period u can wear le right?"
i totally fired up and went " i dun know la i was told not to wear so i just follow lor"
i mean WTF is this even ur fucking problem??!!?!??!  i want to wear what is my problem is it even urs to be bother with ??
really knn

then she went "hey, u dun be angry la. i forgot ur mama passed away."
and i looked at her and said "its okie."  i wanted to add on "its okie coz its none of ur business to remember"
but i think i should not scoop to her brainless and insensitive level

anyway today is i ownself not in tip top condition
so should not blame her or any one
my own fault

but i am really very sad mah
i mean well, i am really very sad
well i guess i am jusr made of water... jus love to cry

and then came another pc of news
there is gg to be a wind blow... how big the wind i dun know... but its gg to affect any one... and i mean ANY ONE
sigh

i was like controlling myself the whole day
controlling myself = DUN BREAKDOWN AND CRY
i keep telling myself "its okie its okie" gg home soon........
and who knows got to work late

and best when big boss asked so can i have the costing by tonight, my reply was "cannot. no. i want to go home and sleep"
duhz
i think the big wind will blow me away.........
>.<

and then evening time, while i was busy trying to get the work done, tt snake came and disturb me again
"SY, u working late ah....hahahhaa"
really KNN liao
so i went "is it very funny tt i worked late?'
and she said " i happy then i laugh i never say its funny"
then i went " u mean u very happy tt i working late tts why u are laughing?'
then she went "hey u dun like this la, dun angry. i just happy tts why i laugh"
then i went "i dun see anything so funny about it or happy"
and she went " its becoz u working late with us AGAIN mah (coz yesterday i worked late too)"
and then i went "why dun u come at 8am too and work with me lor"
and she said " i know u worked early.  u hardworking lor"
then i went "so u give me ur salary la, since i am hardworking"
i mean come on lor
really tmd
today she just pissed me off
if she no more medicine, please go see the doc and jiak yok timely

but i think i am just not in good condition la
i am still very upset
*sob sob*

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

happy papa day!!!
HUAT AH!!

sis cooked nasi lemak
was GOOD!!
yappie
i did not go out but stayed home today
coz its papa day so i gave face and stayed home

woke up this AM, i went jiak long john breakie
then i went watch incredibles 2
came back after movie about 2pm  ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz until 630pm
lolz
woke up when sis came over
timing just right
wake up got food to eat le
kekeke

anyway wish papa happy and healthy
=D
and please take good care of urself
take charge of ur own life and own things

ITS A SIGN

event tio cancelled again!!!
same reason, ratio not balance
sigh

how how how
confirmed its a sign lor
3rd time le

BUCK UP AND WAKE UP IDEA

asked me where to pay the bills!!
alamak!!!
he just went last month to pay the bills at 7-11 lor
and now asking me again

so okie, i told him go to 7-11 lor
then he asked
where is 7-11
ALAMAK!!
papa u just went last week to pay, now u asked me where is 7-11, where to pay bills?
so far u only go 7-11 pay right? so all bills u just go 7-11 lor

really leh
cant believe it
like tt also can forget
okie, u may think i am harsh
but too bad lor
he has to do it, i cant always be here
he got to buck up and wake up his idea
life no longer like a bed of roses
not open mouth things will be done

just now, just happened liao
came and asked me where is the small bottle of sugar
i said i dun know know u go find
he said no last time was in the fridge now no more
i told him i dun know, i just transferred whatever u put in the living room fridge into the new fridge, if dun have then dun have
then he said "no, listen listen, last time was here, now no more"
and then i went "LISTEN. u all transferred everything to the living room fridge. i just transferred everything back. if dun have. means i dun see it. so u go to the living room fridge and look for it yourself. maybe i missed the bottle and did not transfer to the new fridge, U GO FIND"'
and then hey presto!!
he found it!!
and i told him "dun always no find and say dun have. go and find. look for it then come and tell me dun have"
and then he told me "i got find, i searched high and low but dun have"
kua kua kua
did he? or did he not?
well, i dun want to say anything
but all i can say is, i am sure he did not "use heart" find....
duhz

like i was telling qi
the other night i cried
coz last time, open mouth, the fridge will be filled with fav drinks
the basket would be filled with fav tibits
will get to eat what i crave for
but now open frigde, open basket, WHAT ALSO DUN HAVE
nothing to eat
and i just missed my mama so much for the stuff she silently did for us

so i ordered drinks and filled up the fridge
 went to get tibits and filled up the basket
want to eat wat, i go out and just eat
i will just do it myself lor
=D
no big deal
have jiu have, no have then so be it lor

any way so what happened last month, he went to pay house bill phone
the 7-11 staff told him to pay $40 plus
he came back and told me
i said WHY? how come?
phone bill always few cents only
then he said dun know, she said pay so i pay lor
then i said well, since paid le, jiu suan le
it will deduct next month lor
and true enough this month it was deducted
and then he asked WHY NO NEED PAY
wakao!!!
so to save the trouble of explaining
i told him DUN KNOW, dun need to pay so be it lor

knowing him, he will ask sis lor
so just now he asked sis
and sis explained must be pay more on certain month
then he said oh mama paid de
and sis said ya maybe mama paid previously
then i buay ta han and i went out and told them
and then i told sis u tell him so much for what
he wont remember
dun waste time lah
just said no need pay

so anyway whatever la
they want to argue i wont stop them lor

so the thing tt started the debate was not this
but its becoz papa said he went vietnam the other time and met this lady who wants to come singapore to work
and he asked one of our relatives whether he need to recruit a GOOD and HARDWORKING staff
really OMG lor
he dun even know this lady leh
hahaha
coz just becoz she took his order in the restuarant he went to
lolz
he really damn good lor!!
*speechless*

so sis lai le
told him its none of his business
can listen to what others say
but it end there
coz not our business
they want come singapore, they find their way here
then if they come to singapore then how? u gg to continue to help them meh??
then they cry father cry mother said life so hard, u gg to help them meh?
how long can u help them?
let them settle their own problem themselves

and then papa ye lai le
he said u think i so stupiak meh
only will help them find job
then tts it
they have to take care of their other things themselves
i cannot help them lor
u think they so hardworking come over here, and cry father cry mother??

ALAMAK!!
i think my papa something wrong up there
i mean okie, there may be some who are good
but hello!!
this one is stranger leh
only took his order, met once and he said HARDWORKING
then my sis also considered as hardworking lor

anyway like i said the debate started lor
haha
but i tell u hor
i stand by my sis
coz my papa really never learn his lesson
the other time also intro his friend's daughter to come here work
said she how good how good
what degree in taiwan
very hardworking, willing to work hard willing to learn
the relative arranged for an interview with her
and really OMG!!
cant speak ang mo
and asked dun speak ang mo can or not
dun know this dun know tt
want to do this and do tt only
well done
*clap hands*

and he still dun know he sala where
but like i said, always, as long as he happy, dun come disturb me, i am fine with what he wants to do
think the relative should just tell him "uncle, dun need to intro any more potential ppl coz company no vacancy."

but frankly he needs to wake up his idea

HERE WE COME!!

Planned a few stuff for the following months.........

3rd aug ... short getaway to batam...
(yet to book)
keke
coz the price list not out yet wor........

25th Aug... gg for a xinyao concert at indoor stadium....

woohoo!! *clap clap*
read tt the 2 day concert tickets were sold out!!!
and another 2 days were added
am glad tt we managed to get the tickets
though was told its restricted view

well, its okie bah
not there to see him, but to hear him sing
so =D
really thank god!!
but i really think he levelled up leh
never before wor, his concerts, tickets price levelled up and add 2 more days
19th Aug.........here we come!!!!!

also booked a short trip to BKK
25th Sept to 29th Sept
HERE WE COME!!!

if all goes will will have a longhaul trip sometime in oct/nov
see hor bah
gg to meet up this coming sat for discussion coz of the NATAS fair
but we sort of know which agency we will go to....
so its only a matter of deciding on the date

whatever it is.. at least got something to look forward to
HUAT AH!!

nothing gg to stop us now!!!
CHARGE!!

GOOD JOB! but thankless

almost one month 10 days since mama left us
how r u mama?  doing great? enjoying urself??
=D
i missed u

and what have i done?
i packed the house lor
i tell u
spend so much $$ on body massage and foot reflex after each packing and throwing sessions

results?

i told ppl i levelled a mountain
lolz
i finally gotten the study room back
back to a proper room
*clap hands*

disposed all unwanted stuff
unwanted = kept for years, either in boxes and inside another box and inside another box.. or in plastic bag which is also inside another bag and then another
and then stack one on top of another kind
so i throw throw throw
and of course kept some which i thought quite useful la

and then wanted to pack papa stuff too
and gave him a space of his own so tt he can keep his own stuff and then have some ownership of his own things
and not keep relying on others to keep or find his things
but he told me "dun touch my things, PLEASE"
FINE!!!

so i packed other areas lor
i packed my room too
=D
and also the area under the sink

i wanted to do the store room and the kitchen cabinets/drawers too
but frankly i really body ache and hands screaming and feet unhappy
just by packing and clearing stuff in the rooms and also the area under the kitchen sink
and since papa said want to do reno to the house, replace the carpet to something else... i think think think.. maybe wait till got workers then just tell them to dump for us instead

its really easy to take out the stuff and but it the throwing
to bring downstairs and not just dump it at the void deck leh
i brought it to the mobile bin located at the opp block
and u imagine the number of trips i make
no trolley to lessen the load leh
hand carry boxes and plastic bags
really omg

so now u know why i need to go for body massage and foot reflex
really cmi

then why bother to pack??
so tt we can take stock of our stuff
and also know what stuff are hidden in the house mah
end up, really nothing much
if they can be hidden for years, i am very sure, all will agreed tt u wont use them at all
so throw lor
imagine we have 5 boxes of recycled bags
4 bags of plastic and paper bags
1 box of towel
and so many boxes of i dun know what rubbish
haha
closed eyes.. all throw....
and i tell u hor
recycled bags may be good to have
but certain material hor, really cannot keep long de
one touch and cui lor

and then the paper or plastic bags hor
i tell u
u keep so long liao lor
the quality also cmi
i tell u, maybe haven reached bus stop, the bag already gave way lor

so anyway somebody cannot find certain things
and then said i throw away!!'
really tmd
dun want to lift a single finger to help out... dun even bother to find.....just want to open mouth
so easy to say
really the pack and throw is really a thankless job
tsk tsk

anyway i am glad
i packed and threw the stuff away
coz if i do it later, i might not have the strength to pack, throw and carry all the stuff downstairs to throw
so better do it now
while i still can..........
and now we can take stock of our daily necessities stuff
really give a pat to myself on my back

so now tt i have completed what i set out to do
i will hibernate and rest my body well
the rest of the house, well...wait till we reno the house then continue the pack and throw session bah

in the meantime, shall pamper myself first
=D

感恩

一路好走,  my dearest mama
as much as i 舍不得, but knowing tt u left without any pain or suffering and with us by your side
i very 感恩

u have been the best mum i ever wanted
no matter wat i did, how badly i fare, whether its right or wrong step decision, u are always there to support me and give me a helping hand or a little push even a little hug to keep me gg

thanks mama
thanks for everything

thanks for never giving up on us or ur battle with the cancer cells
u were strong... u fought hard for the past 2 years

time to rest... i know... so rest well......take care of urself too....
we shall all meet one day again....
till then

know tt i will always love u just like how u loved us...
i know tt although u no longer with us, but u will be up there looking after us.. making sure we are all doing fine

i will take good care of myself so dun u worry okie
as for papa, well, i will also try to take care of him a little la..
coz he big boy liao.. he should take care of me right

i will be strong.. just like u.... =)
so dun u worry okie.. nothing to worry
we will all take good care of ourselves.....

considered it as a 解脱 for u and us......
pain me to see u not eating and growing thinner and weaker each day
while u r still fighting the battle fiercely with ur might
很舍不的, but i know this is the best for u .....
有舍就有得

妈妈我爱你

BECAME A PANDA =(

took leave on fri
went on a 2D1N staycation with PS and WL in KSL

watched avengers over there
hehe
luckily they want to watch leh
if not who to watch with me
is it good
well, at least to me it is....
cant wait for part 4.. next year MAY.....

we encountered a pickpocket when we were on our way back to city square at the escalator
and i tell u
he was so quick
but coz the zipper on WL's backpack got the "zip" sound
she quickly turned ard and grab her backpack
staring at the man and went "HEY"
but the man hor, wasnt even looking at us or at her
pretending to be doing whatever he was doing gg up the escalator
really tmd

luckily nothing was stolen
but hor can u believed it
she put her pp and her hdps in the small pouch on her backpack
sigh
so PS was like telling her dun do tt in future
put some tissue or whatever not inside tt pocket is okie but not our pp or hdp or impt stuff
WL's heart went thump thump thump
and i told her its okie nothing stolen then never mind its okie
just calm down first.....

end up, i fell sick
=(
think i kam tio....be hero cold dun want to wear sweater end up now a panda
running a fever now
throat not feeling good
and coughing until i want to die
*sob sob*
is there a clinic open tomolo besides the 24hrs kind.........

so unwell now
duhz
need to monitor and pop panadol every 4 hour hope can bring it down and suppress until i see a doc

FIGHT ON

mama is getting thinner by the day
losing appetite but can see she is trying hard to eat too
too oily, veg, spicy, fried, ALL SHE DUN WANT
coz she said difficult to digest
but really see she is trying her best to eat something every day
be it cereal, milo or biscuit

i see le also heart pain
but what else can i do?
every night cry lor

can also see tt she struggling herself
but the day she stopped the chemo
we all knows well, does not mean the cancer cells will stay still and not move
sigh

so yes, they have spread
like wild fire
tts why mama legs now swollen
yes, not just the feet, the legs now.. all the way to the knee kind

"raise high 90 degrees"
who dun know
but its not easy
who dun know must walk, exercise
but do they know its very difficult and painful
sigh

only know how to make noise, complain, grumble
"listen to me, no wrong one"
FUCK U lor
tmd
really leh
u r no doc... but mama being mama, she just want to please all
and yeah, tts where i got my character from...
the soft one
who dun know tt u wont do things to harm her, but frankly, please la, u no doc, so dun pretend to be one or thinks u r one

"how many table spoon u took? got take one big scoop bo? listen to me, its for ur own good'
LISTEN MY FOOT LOR!!!
food already cannot go down.. u think only certain food have good appetite meh???

"i was just aways for 2 weeks and nobody do anything about the swollen feet.. sigh"
KNN
the feet was already swollen before u went for ur family trip okie
dun come and act like only u concern lor
and we r all blind
legs to raise up, who dun know... already done mah
but it wont means by doing tt the legs will become slim slim again....
so dun come and cry father cry mother with me

"mama goes toilet so long. got monitor or not? can monitor or no?  why go so long?"
HELLO!!!
how i know why so long
she got to wait for the poo poo to come out lor
duhz
monitor what?
monitor and then what?
what can u do? what can doc do?
NOTHING lor
just trying to pick a fight with me right

i seriously dun get it
if tomolo mama dun wake up from her sleep, does it matter any more about how many tablespoon she took, big scoop or small scoop? does it matter how long she stayed in the toilet? does it matter legs must raise 90 degrees and not 89.9 degrees??????!!!!??

i simply dun get it

we all love mama
this is a fact
but this is really too much for me
cant u guys just leave her alone and let her do what she wants as long as she happy

sigh

do u know for the past 2 weekends
she always say the sad sad things
things tt we no say before when she first went for the ops, or her second ops
she said about when she passed away she wants to have a niche (her ashes to put in the columbarium)
its okie if we dun go "visit" her as long as she knows tt she has a house.
alive got house, die also got house
hear like my heart so pain

she even said coz papa dun know how to use atm, so if he needs money, asked me to like give him the monthly allowance which she will transferred to me. last time she will say too.... but this time no matter how difficult it was for her to walk, how breathless it made her to walk tt few steps, she still make her way to the bank.  for someone who will walk instead of taking bus to the interchange and someone who wants save money dun take cab, she took a cab with the help of my niece and went to the bank and did the transfer.

i actually wanted to joke, if papa dun know then too bad no money for him lor
but then again, no la, not gg to make her worry

tts why i also wished tt i can also find my significant other half asap
to let her put heart tt someone is taking good care of her youngest daughter so dun worry
but i also know this thing cannot be forced de la
the two previous events which i joined also cancelled.... then what can i do right?
join again lor
hahaha
okie, so anyway all i wanted to say is, if i cannot find NOW, then remained single NOW not a bad decision until the good and reliable one comes along, right?

i can still be happy being single and also can take care of myself
so mama also can put heart
rather than b in a rs where i no happy at all, will make mama more worries right

i just wished tt mama will be happy and "healthy"
no pain no nothing
just no pain no nothing, i think u all should know what i mean ya

IS IT A SIGN??

i joined two events this month
but both events were cancelled due to unbalance gender ratio
=(

is it a sign??
>.<

sianzz

CONFIRMED

chop, stamp, confirmed, double confirmed!!!

HUAT AH!!

i recieved the confirmation letter today!!!

thanks everybody for your support and encouragement!!!

i will strive to do my best!!!

gam xia ha mi gua

>.<

REVEAL OF THE P

the P listing is out
of course i dun have la
i am not the pet... just a worker ant

dun have the app in my phone
so tomolo go back office then see bah

no hurry
as what the other coll said the other day in the pantry "what difference does it make? the money is in the bank liao. does not mean u got more $$"

sure got ppl happy and sure got ppl sad
but then i dun really care
never in the rat race before
JUST SHOW ME THE MONEY!!
but will have stories to hear bah
so *take out popcorn* and watch show

thats why the saying " no expectation, no disappointment"
but how many can really truly understand leh
i, me, myself also cannot lor

A DATE TO WHERE??

supposed to go HK with family
end up sis bringing the small one to UK
so the HK trip got to be push back

but apparently mama not the least interested to go
coz now not only she poo-ed into the bag, the poo poo also come out from 屁股

told her to wear the adult diapers
but she said very warm
i said its just for precaution in case it poo out when she is outside but at least its inside the diapers and then though the feeling no good, then at least u can put heart tt "it" is securely contained in
and then when u reached home u can wash up...or can always go to the public toilet to wash up
afterall its not the LS kind....still solid so should be easy to clean
i mean why confined urself at home.. go out walk walk is good for u mah
no meh??

anyway i dun want to say much la
must be some pride or what
but then isnt this a life cycle

baby u wear pampers then u slowly grow up and u ditched the pampers.. then as  grow u older become a kid again so wear pampers again lor


so okie lor
dun want to go then dun want to go
but papa wants to go badly
kept saying coz promised the little one to bring her
but then again, the little one also not keen to go lor, she is more interested to go UK
haha

anyway see how bah
if no HK, then i will go shanghai with my travel kakis
yayaya
i know CHINA leh
but then, one of them wants to go there, coz the sis is shifting over to work
i think she very brave leh
tio retrenched, then this offer came along but need to go overseas
and she just grab and go........
*clap hands*
if its me, i wonder.....will i also just pack up and go?
i mean nothing to lose anyway, right

*ponder*


anyway i did ask, "only shanghai? can go elsewhere?"
and the reply is SHANGHAI

okie, haha
got it loud and clear
so either HK or SHANGHAI

ACHE LIKE MAD

dun know what is happening to me
usually after a massage i should be in tip top condition....
but this time, its taking a longer time to "heal"

not so sure is it the sitting position? the bed? the sleeping position? or the bra??
i have already changed to a smaller bag.... do i still need to go smaller??? hm..........
but u know la, girls' bags.... surely have 101 stuff tt we think very impt and must bring with us every day every min every sec de

hm.....still thinking should i go bra less on some days.....???


the lady told me 阻塞
but then cannot be everywhere of my body 阻塞 right?
so okie, need to massage a few times
but then too many times bah

i guess when we r getting older, body will have 101 problems bah
coz we no take are when we r young, so now is pay back time?

like the other time, the heart keeps having this jab jab jab pain
i was so scare leh
then decided to take overnight oats..... looked up for yum yum receipe in the net
and was like having overnight oats for a few weeks
and then finally when i finished one packet...i just stopped
did it help?
i got to say maybe a little. as the jab jab jab was like lesser....but since it did not stop i just stopped eating it lor
and now, for whatever reason, after i did one massage, the pain no come disturb me le
so i presumed and assumed tt the back ache some how was linked to the heart jab jab pain occasionally

two weeks ago the tummy pain pain pain
so finally decided to go see doc coz i almost saw the stars again on way to work (TWICE!!!!)
then doc said the big intestines is so calm and not active at all...
and i said well, its resting
and she looked at me and said our big intestines never rest
so i said when i just had my dinner, so its resting lor
and she said tts worst lor, after dinner and not active
kua kua kua

so i ponder whats so impt tt it has to be active at all times
and then realised we need it to helped POO
so hor, does it mean, body aching all over, coz too much poo inside me
=(

anyway becoz goldfish was on leave whole of this week
i managed to go for 2 classes of zumba
of course, whole body was screaming like mad
but i just got t hang in there, and soon will be fine..........
better keep the exercise reigm...
its good for me too..........

hm... maybe i should stop drama-ing.... instead of sitting in front of lappy every day.. from AM to PM till i sleep........maybe need to spend time to go out, walk walk....look look see see
not only for the shoulder and back... but also for the mind........

不强求 不任命

i guess humans are like this
when u dun have, u die die also want to have
but once u have it, u just no longer want it
not sure if u feel the same way, but i do

i dun know why
i am always forever alone in my dreams
everybody sure have somebody but i am always alone

remembered, i used to have a dream, tt i am a runaway bride???  or the groom is getting marry but i am not the bride?? or the one i dreamt tt the no. 3 is actually staying in the same block as us?? or the time i dreamt tt everybody knows about the no. 3 except me???
sigh

is this my life?
forever alone no matter how badly i want to find my significant other half??
this AM, again, dreamt........everybody so happy ....and i went back to a big hotel room.......ALONE....

guess some things cannot be 强求 but i just dun want to 任命, i just take it easy lor.......

旺旺 YEAR

BYE BYE ROOSTER!!!

WOOF WOOF
here comes the "旺旺" year!!!!

and believe it or not!!
this year i recieved more ang pao than previous years!!
dun asked me why...........
but since ppl want to give, i take lor
afterall its BLESSINGS right?? 
the more the merrier

HUAT AH!!
to a better year and better years ahead

i went to watch the "liang xi mei" movie
yappie ....
since  初一 i wanted to go watch le
but all time slots were FULL.......
yayaya, i know, single ticket should be easy to get
but hor, the seat no good mah... so why go watch leh

so FINALLY today 初三
woke up early, went to swenson @ tampines for breakie
then scroll over to GV to get the 10.40am movie

so to end this blog entry, shall share a "crude" joke.. which everyone in the cinema was laughing and i was like 'what so funny?" * scratch head" and few mins later then i got it. BUT ppl already stopped laughing liao lor

so imagine me holding two oranges and greet u "HAPPY NEW YEAR" and then i passed the oranges to u saying "柑你拿"

kua kua kua
>.<
hahaha


HAVE A 旺 YEAR , EVERYBODY!!!
=D

EXTENDED LEAVE

snake asked whether HR send me my confirmation letter
i said no
she asked why u not gan cheong? what if they dun renew u?
i said such big org, gahmen somemore, if no renew or got renew, sure will send u a letter de
she said well u should call and check
i said why dun u call and check since u more gan cheong
then she said no la. i just asking
i know u said many times u not gan cheong. so its okie la
i just smiled at her

then she asked again, then u really dun want to call and check?
i replied her calmly, its okie la, if no renew then the ones who stay behind will do the job lor
and u can see the smirking look on her face

and then next moment, she said so after cny r u coming back to work?
(coz i started work on 15 Feb mah, so she thinks 2 years contract means 14 feb is my contract expiry date. but i did not tell her tt its not feb expired la)
so anyway, i just replied if i dun received anything of course i come and work lor
if i received then i dun come back lor

and she went then u not looking for another job? u not worry ah?u so old le, cannot find a job how?
and i really tmd wanted to fuck her upside down again for saying me old again leh
anyway why bother to talk to a stupiak leh?
so i just smiled and said well i can take a break first since i came over immediately i no rest. so i will just take a break before i look for another job lor

and then she just simply needs to have the last word
good la, u can have extended leave for ur cny.  BUT oh dear, u wont enjoy urself if they did not renew u.. hahaha... oh, or u can enjoy?? hey, sorry sorry leh, i dun mean it.  blah blah blah"

i simply cannot be bother....
*rolled eyes*

LADY LUCK WHERE R U?

should i find some events to join before the VD??
maybe my lady luck is smiling upon me!!
hm........
should i ? should i not?

WHAT DO U WANT?

the other day
snake was assigned to do something
and as usual big hoo ha
"so short notice. haven read up. cannot do. "
and listed down her 101 things to do
and "can u please re-assigned to someone else"

we all just rolled eyes
coz NOT THE 1ST TIME!!
and next moment she will go tell aba or whoever she can speak tt tt I wANT TO GO TALK TO BOSS.... if not its I WANT TO GO TALK TO BIG BOSS
anyway always talk only no action
i am just waiting for her to say I WANT TO GO TALK TO MP
tsk tsk

so anyway goldfish asked me
how can she always like this? this cannot do tt cannot do?
our team only like this, then how?
i mean hello?? u ask me?? u fought for her grade lor
so u go answer urself why u fought for her and not for me

so anyway i just smiled and said well u know la, she is like this de
and then she asked me "if i assigned to u, will u do?"
and then i said "if i do, does it mean u will take away something from me and she do?"
and goldfish looked at me and said " no la. she will make more noise right? already said she dun want to do this and i still give her another one"
then i told her in tt case, then u got to make her do, if she dun want to do 1 to 1 exchange
and conversation end there

do so many times for her when she dun want to do le
and i told goldfish before, by complaining and u take away from her
does it mean every time complain and she dun need to do?
then sooner or later all will just complain
once or twice if u said u r overwhelmed with work then okie la
but ALL the time
oh please

so anyway, the next day
snake took mc
but she also asked what exactly goldfish wants her to do for tt assignment
goldfish did not reply her coz she was busy having meeting the whole day and snake also went ahead to do it on her own

SEE!!!
to me hor, u just complaining lor
end up, u will do
so stop whining instead spend the time to do work

and then very good lor
next day, goldfish assigned her to vet a doc
and then it goes again
CANNOT DO. NO TIME. TAKING parental care leave.  UNABLE to do and again list down 101 things she is doing
but hor, if u all remember, she was the one who said ROTATION!!
and goldfish explained sometimes not just rotation, but got urgent things crop up then cannot assigned to tt staff so got to give to whoever is the 'free-er" one
but snake said CANNOT LIKE THIS....
so okie lor, to appease her, goldfish followed her way and rotation
and its her turn lor
and now she cry father cry mother
said its unfair
sigh
she is really damn sicko

everything also she said
and when its done her way, she hor pattern 101

already told her before
MANY TIMES
cannot be one day do one thing
finish one thing then do another
i have never have such luxury life before lor
she said yes in her previous firm
i said in tt case then go back or rather why leave leh?

and she said there is no way u can do so many things
i said why not?
just do...
always been like this
but if i can go to her previous firm and everyday just do one thing, i dun mind leh
really
frankly, who will
u tell me
will u mind?

so she was complaining to me
and i just yayayaya
and she said goldfish wants to sabo her, purposely one
i said why she like tt said, rotate mah, so its her turn
and she said BUT I AM BUSY
and i m gg to take many days of parental care leave
so i dun have much time
then how to do
she purposely one

and i just diam diam
i do understand house got something no choice
and apparently i think her bro also not helping much
but she told me she dun need the job coz she has savings
alot of saving
and if unhappy then dun work

so ur friend me
told her
this i agreed. totally agreed
since u unhappy, then u see how u want to do lor
dun work also can since u said u got alot of savings
u can stay home and then slowly find another job
and then she diam diam

obviously she just want to rattle and let others think she is the victim
but sorry lor
WE r the victim here, coz she dun want to do work
and since u dun want to do work, then please free up the post and let someone else take up the post
dun be another db and waste the post.

okie then back to the story

few days later she was assigned another work
and then HERE it goes again
lolz

then she complaining to me again
and i went "oh ya, u got to take many parental care leave hor. but only max 4 times u can take then how?u taking ur own leave? not worth it la. why not just get ur maid to bring ur mama for her check up then"
she claimed tt the maid dun know how to go
and i said u can call grab for them then after checkup, u can call grab again to bring them home
and guess what? she said the maid dun know
and i was like ???!?!?!?!?!
go so many times with her still dun know??!?!?!

anyway her house problem i also dun want to talk so much or know too much la
and u know what she replied
she said" oh ..haha.. my mama only need to go check up until end of this week, next week dun need le."

i really rolled eyes leh
i mean, if its only for one week
then why the work assigned to her cannot do????????
i really dun know leh
cant explained
dun see the logic

anyway if she sees the logic then she sees it lor
then she just got to go explain to goldfish why cannot do

but hor, by sending these emails
she thinks she no wrong
"its all factual"
fine!!!
but dun forget, haven get confirmation de
these would served very well as evidence or proof or supporting doc tt this staff cannot be renew coz not a team player.
anyway also not my problem

dun want to know dun want to care
afterall, these emails i think we all have plenty from her....she can continue to send
coz "all factual"
and not forgetting she is the only one sending, the only with 101 work to do, the only who said can re assigned to some one, only one who said SHORT NOTICE given.

maybe tts how ppl talk or behave when u have lots of money in ur bank and dun really need a job bah
so what exactly do u want huh???
come and irritate and torture ppl with ur nonsense??

and if i tell u she and db very bff
i doubt u all believe hor
they can fight like want to die but next moment very bff

and tt db also slowly learning to be like snake le
but he more pro, he will say " i got many things on my plate....."
wakao!!!
see more pro right???

SO WHAT!!
bloody fucking hell!!!
U r recruit as a LM, so ur plate full or got many things, u jolly well just do
abs also just do
SO u better do, plate full or empty
go take another plate or change to a bigger plate then

again, if abs dun make any noise about his partner
then i also wont say much

maybe tts why my heart pain
coz of these bunch of clowns....
really tmd

got to look far abit
not my problem
its the bosses daiji
i just do my work
and tts it

WHEN DO U WANT TO WAKE UP?

the other day in pantry
goldfish was with me
so i wanted to discuss with her about snake's complain about the workload
to see whether can help reduce the tension between them abit
yayaya
i know i should not be kapo
but i tell u lor
if u r me, maybe u will also try
coz every 2 3 days one bi ba boomz
u work also will be sianz lor

so i went "u know , the other day, ur fav staff.....blah blah blah"
and she went " who?"
and i went "ur fav staff la"
and she went "oh, db ah?"
and i just diam.........stunned like veg............okie, so db is ur fav staff
so be it
u happy la

case closed

dun need to say much
blind also can tell tt db is her fav
although u see she laughing and chit chatting with me
but hor, i am just a tool.. to do work.. tts all...
coz no one else besides abs can help her
with no complains
so to her i am nothing
so stop telling me "can see she likes u"
OH PLEASE!!!
end up, i did not get the Better grade, i only got the Can do grade
duhz

but hor i tell u hor
sometimes dun want to be bother with the snake and the db also cannot
coz things getting a bit out of hand
one dun want to do, one cannot do
then end up the rest of the team got to do
but frankly how much can we take in on top of our own assignment???

sigh i tell u hor
i also dun know how to say
but i think if u encountered before, u should more or less feel how i feeling
its really want to !%!$#@%^@&@*@^$  the both of them
and then soon its !*^%%@*@)(@% the bosses
u know they cannot perform, or cant perform, then PLEASE think of something
though we have 6, but strictly speaking only 4 lor
like what the small ones told me "might as well split their salary among us"

but like i always say snake can work, just tt she likes to complain and grumble
but tt db, really, please flush away
not suitable, dun waste the seat

anyway like i said earlier "case closed"
fav staff is fav staff
nothing i can do
if she likes someone who cannot work then so be it lor
i just do my work, mind my own business, and if oppt comes, then tts would be my next destination....

maybe tts why i am "tired"
got so many wu ah bo ah issues hovering around me.....

*deep breath*

cannot be bother with so many things
take care of my own matters.... tts whats matter most
tio bo?
maybe for the new year tts what i will do..........
close eyes close ears
I DUN CARE

HEART SCARE

i tell u
recently i really got a scare leh

but also dun know would any of u believe

so this was what happened

i had a dream
the background was my bedroom
and i was sleeping

and then i saw this long thin finger with long fingernail moving towards my back as i was sleeping facing the wall
u know those fingers tt belong to those wicked witch in the princess stories

so anyway in the dream
the finger drew one line across my back
and ho say lor
dun know why, i felt it leh
though i was sleeping i felt tt some thing drew a line across my back near the waist area

so okie, never mind
i woke up
and then u might think tt i was dreaming tt i felt it right
but no leh
for whatever reason, my shirt was upped and hence bare my waist area and .....hm.. okie enough said
i quickly took my blanket, covered myself and continue to sleep till alarm ring

okie, i totally did not think much of it
until my heart started to have frequent pain
the zap will come and go
and for a moment i thought i was gg to die
its like one strong zap and tts it
and the pain well, was frequent, more frequent than many donkey years back

then my back started to be in pain
and i was wondering is it becoz i pressed my hdp too much or sitting position or sleeping position
so anyway then i started to link back to tt horrible dream

so anyway u know me de
scare die lor
and someone told me "please la. goeat breakie. u old liao. not young any more. sure got more problems to come if u dun jiak breakie"

so went to google and decided to try the overnight oats
coz easy to prepare
just throw everything into the jar. keep in fridge. the next day bring to work. jiak for breakie.
and apparently, dun know is it all in the mind
but it did helped a bit leh
at least the heart not tt pain

then on friday evening, sitting in the meeting room
and dun know why i looked at my feet
and HO SAY LOR
scare the shit out of me

i saw bruises on my feet
and believe it or not, its on the same spots on both feet lor
i did thought its my shoes dirty and stained my feet
but to be on the exact spots cannot be bah
and best, it was pain when i pressed on them

so no choice liao
really think i am gg to die leh

so googled and went for massage
=D

press knead and push until i want die
but i told myself if this work, then i should be fine le

and true enough
HEY PRESTO!!!
the bruises on my feet were go went gone
except for the ones on my heels (ya, same one spot for both)
and my back... no more screaming in pain
and my heart so far so good no zap zap zap

really thank god lor!!
god bless!!!

i was told tt i was tired.. but cant be i did not rest enough leh
i practically spend my time sleeping when i am not watching drama
so how can i be tired leh
or its due to my sitting position..which i thought this might be the reason

so anyway, since after the massage session
i told myself better dun walk too much or carry too heavy things la
and heng sis not coming over tonight
so i was like whole day ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
sat and sun
lolz

now so much better
although just now in the AM when i just woke up
my back was screaming in pain
but after the PM nap, now i am feeling so much better

so hor
i think i will go for a few more sessions for the foot and body massage
and then i will try to do it on a monthly or fortnightly basis
but exercise i must be more discipline and go go go

maybe i also need to change a bit of my weekend routine
maybe sat stay home to zzzzzzzzzzzz and sun then i go out............
if not sat and sun both weekends go out, my feet no happy bah

but anyway really thank god now feeling much better
for the past few weeks, really can die lor

as for the oats, no choice, got to finish them
coz buy le cannot leave it like tt bah
afterall having breakie is good for us right?

NEW YEAR, NEW CHALLENGES

welcoming the new year with lots of water!!!!
HUAT AH!!
can eat chicken can eat egg!!!

rained since last nite.. and its still raining when i am typing this

new year resolution:-
1) find my life partner and have our little happy family
2) everything goes smoothly and as wished
3) Good health
4) Happy all year round

HUAT AH!!!!

MORE GOOD THINGS TO COME!!!