I CRIED

ya, i cried
not becoz dear scolded me or we quarelled or something happened in my family
but becoz..........sigh
long story........

2 months back, when my "auntie" came, my back was aching
so i went for a back massage
after tt, my nitemare started
the 2 sides at my waist areas aches very badly on and off or is it called pain i have absolutely no idea
but the pain always come when i woke up in the middle of the nite to visit the toilet and when i came back to the room and lied back down
OH MY GOD!!
i could cried buckets!!!
its so pain tt i have to sleep on my side and worst sometimes sleeping on the sides won't help and i have to tell myself to sleep, sleep. quickly get back to sleep

these happened even after my 2nd month
and u could say "why u no see a doc? why u ignored it?"
frankly speaking, i did not choose to ignore it
but i was brought up in a family tt " fever har? take panadol and then go to school. sore throat har? drink plently of water and go to school. flu? cough? drink plently of water, take panadol and go to school. tummy pain? lao sai? take the pill and go to school"
never once we were allowed to skip school. school is impt, the illness "will go away"
so i thought the pain/aches will go away
but the thought of gg to see a doc did occured to me
afterall, i am afraid of dying lor.........>.<
whose not?

anyway, this week was long weekend.i felt tt something is not rite
but i just cannot pin point it
then i noticed tt the urine colour is not rite
and the pain is so persistant
and finally yesterday, i realised tt my urine got blood!!
i almost fainted
really!!
no scare u
coz i also scared myself
=((

then as i thought back
first it was nose bleed
then my hair falls like nobody business
then the headpain and the black out and the stars and the room moving in circles.....and.....now...... sigh
it all gel together

i have decided tt i am gg to see a doc
whether for good or for bad. for worse or for better
i just dun want to worry abt my health
but before i do tt (which i will go see one tomorrow), i decided to self study first
i surfed the net to check it out

the only thiny tt i find very close to what i am "suffering"
the signs and the syptoms, i decided tt it might be "kidney cancer"
yayaya, i know, a very TERRIBLE word
but what to do
and i cried.................
=((

dear thinks its the UTI again
coz i did not drink water (as usual. nothing special)
but i know this time is different
coz there is pain at the sides
and the blood is in the urine not the urine is blood (if u know what i meant)
anyway, i explained to him this time is different and i might die
and he told me tt i am very stubborn, why dun go see a doc early stage when the pain occur and then now want to be scare
sigh
he just dun understand
i thought it "could go away" but looks like its here to stay
and hor, who likes to go see a doc and kana dianoised tt "sorry, but u only have 1 yr to live"
pui lor

anyway, i dried up my tears and decided tt i will go see a doc on monday to clear up the air
so be it
infection or cancer
or just my over sensitivity
i just want to get over it

god bless me
=)

so far, only junior J knew abt it
coz i smsed her on sat evening when i found out
she quite supportive, said she will accompanied me to see the doc if i want her to
and she is always there to talk to me if i want to talk to somebody
i told her i dun want ppl to see my cry so i won't let her accompany me to the doc neither will i want to talk abt it. coz i will be busy sobbing away and she can't hear me talk lor
and she said its ok. just let her know if i need anything, she will be there
and then we dun need to talk, we can sms to talk........
see, she is so nice
and dear still said tt i am naive as there is no REAL friends in office de

pray hard for me, my friends........